It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
