"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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