Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
