maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He did a backflip because drugs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
