K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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