Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
