he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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