he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
