I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
