He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
