At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
