My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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