I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
