I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The Olympian is in my bed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
