For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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