In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
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The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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