this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
