sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
