Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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