Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
