some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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