mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
