I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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