Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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