Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
