I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
