I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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