my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
