If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
