Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
