I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
