So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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