C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
