Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.

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(925): just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck. http://tfl.nu/ybk3

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(708): View more from Illinois

i dedicated my morning wood to you.

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(708): i dedicated my morning wood to you. http://tfl.nu/nbc4

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(219): View more from Indiana

NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh

(1-219): View more from Indiana

wow.

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(219): NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh (1-219): wow. http://tfl.nu/be02

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.

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(215): I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days. http://tfl.nu/h5el

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.

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(+44): You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/2spc

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(404): View more from Georgia

She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7

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(404): She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7 http://tfl.nu/xypt

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.

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(570): I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison. http://tfl.nu/ax4a

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(863): View more from Florida

I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.

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(863): I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller. http://tfl.nu/jris

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.

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(401): He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year. http://tfl.nu/48dx

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.

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(832): Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think. http://tfl.nu/5pb2

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.

(1-704): View more from North Carolina

im still drunk. birthday week begins.

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(704): i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat. (1-704): im still drunk. birthday week begins. http://tfl.nu/iqvd

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(802): View more from Vermont

I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.

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(802): I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny. http://tfl.nu/ndpa

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(940): View more from Texas

Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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(940): Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits. http://tfl.nu/jw0d

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(214): View more from Texas

We can put you in charge of something

(1-214): View more from Texas

I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous

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(214): We can put you in charge of something (1-214): I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous http://tfl.nu/dlb7

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...

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(803): He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation... http://tfl.nu/sr4l

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