I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
