his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
