Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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