Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
