God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
