so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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