i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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