my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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