I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
