around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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