Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
