Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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