last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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