On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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