i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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