I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
