we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we're making bets on your personal life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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