are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
