what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize