i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
