Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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