walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
