I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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