can u get pink eye on your cock?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need a beard to bite.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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