If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
