Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I believe in your delicious
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
