So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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