she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
