Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
