so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
