we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
